I've been getting out in the sun or more accurately out of the all too familiar environment to take temporary refuge in another. The TV. In my home it is switched on first thing in the morning and turned off last thing at night. For the most part it plays an assortment of children's programs until the kids are in bed and then its my wife's opportunity to catch up on all the things she wants to watch. I have no complaints there but it has become a constant background noise which I am used to but always distracted by. For instance even though I don't watch it I can sing the words to most children's programs and cite most of the characters too- as well as know who the celebrity voices are on some. Not something I really want or need lurking in my head. Getting out in the garden though there was none of that and sometimes even the tranquillity of life just going about it's business quietly added to the serenity of a slow sunny day was nirvana.
That is not to say that I never watch TV as I do just not that much of it. Usually its historical documentaries or funny quiz shows. In the last fortnight I have watched documentaries on 1066, Barbarians (Vandals, Goths, Alans, Huns, etc.), the crusades and a whole host of others while taking in the usual array of comedy shows I like- my weekly intake of required humour. There was a time I used to listen to radio but have not done for a long time. But recently I have been using BBC's Iplayer to listen to The Museum of Curiosity. This is not to everyone's taste but if you like the mix of humour and interesting facts to be found on QI then you might enjoy listening to this half hour show.
The idea of the show is that it is a virtual museum and a panel of weekly guests make a virtual contribution- this can be anything from a railway bridge sign to the big bang itself. It is amazing the things you pick up. One discussion with Rupert Sheldrake covered Morphic Resonance which I had never heard of. An interesting concept, ie a collective consciousness that even animals can tap in to, but not one I would entertain. But this led to discussing something I found fascinating and that was how sheep in different parts of the world learned at the same time to escape from fields. The thing is many have testified to seeing how they do it but it has as yet to be caught on film which is quite incredible in this age of mobile phones with video facility and YouTube. According to some the sheep perform a commando style roll over cattle grids to make good their escape. I love that sort of notion and love it all the more because you can only buy in to it with blind faith.
Some of what I hear and read is nonsense of course but its the sort of nonsense I don't mind occupying my head. My appetite borders on greed as I try to put as much of this in my head as possible but the hunger is never satisfied. Possibly I am trying too pack my head so there is no room left for anxious thought or anxiety itself becomes as abstract as its neighbouring thoughts. Words on their own are something that I get quite obsessed with too. I actually have a notepad document filled with words, their meaning and some even with their synonyms. The QI Elves on Twitter are a great source for these. I'll never use them but there is just something more calm in my little world by know that Ataraxia is freedom from worry, Apatheia is freedom from emotion, Acatalepsia is the belief that nothing can be known for certain and Agniology is the philosophical study of ignorance. No use to me but I am happy to carry them around with me.
Back to the garden though. My digital camera finally arrived just as the sun was swallowed by the endless days of clouds. I've been having a whale of a time with it but so has my oldest. It is so simple to use that even this little 5 year old is taking great delight in snapping hanging baskets, birds and whatever else she can find in the surrounding area. And more importantly they are not the fuzzy out of focus monstrosities I am used to so she thinks its great.
My anxiety levels have been OK in this period with just the one incident to speak of and the health anxieties have been petering out a little- though usually this just means I find new ones. With one particularly bizarre health anxiety I had to actually liken myself as morphing into President Obama to get over it which as silly as that sounds actually worked. Oh what a complex machine this is to handle.
The health anxieties I am trying to get a grip of. These are fairly new phenomena for me in relative terms but worryingly coming more frequently, varied and obsessive. It is all down to too much self analysis. One way I have been trying to combat it is my decision to not read newspapers, not watch the news (if I can help it), not visit news sites and staying clear of anxiety forums. I am just too suggestive at the moment. For example I read about a 37 year old man in the Glasgow area who is a father of three and currently in a critical condition due to Swine Flu with underlying health conditions. Too many parallels. It didn't matter that it had no actual connection to me at all because my mind was too ready to make the pathways itself. So for the moment I am keeping out the road of anything my mind can use as fuel and also trying hard not to examine myself or notice every little thing. Really what I need is more occupation and activity. The walks are not going as well as they were but still going nonetheless.
That is about that for my garden ramblings. I feel relieved now that it is all out of my head and can now resume normal service while the sun goes back in to hiding. The boy is still taking little steps and getting a little braver each day showing his daddy how it is done.
