Still I am £80 down. Yes that last drop of money that was taken from my account apparently after I had cancelled my card is still gone. To add insult to injury I can't get through to the fraud department. Some sod at the bank suspended my telephone banking access and its the only way to get through the system. So when I finally got through to the department to re-activate the account they would only do so if I could give them the password. But I only used telephone banking once in the last 8-9 years since it was set up so that can't be done. So they said the only solution was to go into my branch and sort it out. Not an option at the moment and what really annoys me is that I don't even want telephone banking as I do that online. All I want is to ask why the fraud department after telling me they would investigate the £80 withdrawal have never even been in contact to say why its still outstanding. Annoyingly I think I'll have to just take the loss and hope it doesn't happen again.
So I have a new card. My last card was over 10 years old and falling apart but now I have a crisp new card which now has chip and pin as well as a debit facility to allow me to use it online. So last night after finally activating it I decided to put it in my wallet. I was in a strangely reflective mood. Something I am not prone to doing is pouring a glass of whiskey. I'll be honest I am not a fan of it and have never bought it. But back in April I did some scanning, processing and mailing of an old photo for my mother-in-law which went to some person who imports alcohol and the image was made into an anniversary label. As a thanks, not that I was looking for one, she dropped off a half bottle of whiskey. This is due to my father-in-law on the odd occasion leaving me a glass if he comes through and has some on him. So it has sat in the kitchen all this time and as I say I was in a strangely reflective mood so I poured myself a glass, sat down and opened my wallet to put the bank card in.
I've been trying to work out what put me in this mood and I now think I know what it is. My wife claims to be a football fan. Now she does go to the football a couple of times a year with her dad and she is a fan of sorts. But she sits down to watch the world cup and 5 minutes after kick off she's talking about the supermarket, her work, this, that and the other. Or she's up doing something coming in and out of the room. But during one of the matches when the kids had gone to bed early she came over to 'my sofa', sat beside me and put her legs up in my lap. Nostalgia came flooding in. Before the kids were born that was our sofa- we have a small living room that only allows for two two-seaters. The other sofa was where her sister and brother-in-law sat. Shortly after they left the first child arrived and from there we have come to have our own sofas. The seating arrangements could be a metaphor for our married life: we are still in the same room but not as close as we used to be. Obviously the kids and my problems have been the main influences in that but I was overcome really with the realisation of how far apart we have grown and how foreign something once the norm now felt. It was a wake up to see that the love has never changed but the intimacy has faded. The nostalgic moment though was a nice one. I felt pulled back to a happier time and one that isn't out of my grasp at the moment.
My wallet is something that stays in my coat pocket. Very occasionally I open it to put money in or take money out or take out a card to withdraw money. Very much functional. In this moment I decided to raid through its many compartments. Firstly though the only thing I really see on opening is a photo of my wife. I remember this moment well as I had matching ones in a shirt and tie. I had come home from work and we went around to the supermarket to take turns in the photo booth for passports needed for our trip to Menorca. That was a good holiday. Everything I hate about a holiday mind you in the shape of sun, sand and not a lot else but our first together. And that photo used to remind me of that but in years I have not given it much thought.
Delving in I found lots of cards. Mainly they were qualifications cards that I'll never use again consisting of many months of study with trips to Edinburgh, Glasgow and 2 weeks in London. I also remember the fight I had to get my expenses back as well as spending £50 to come home from Heathrow 2 hours early as I just wanted to get the flight over with. There is also a laminated card of a professional Brazilian football doing something very non-PC on his arrival in Japan 8 years ago. Its something that shouldn't be funny because it is so offensive but I think that is what cracks me up every time I look at it. Its the bizarreness of how someone could be so ignorant as to think doing something so offensive would be seen as funny.
There was also a stub for a football game which I well remember. It has printed on it Wednesday 25 August 2004. What a different time. I got in from work and changed without time for dinner. Soon after I left with wife and 1 year old baby to jump in the car with my dad driving and my brother in the back. From there we hit rush hour Glasgow traffic with my dad getting tooted at, shouted at and gestured at for cutting up anyone that would gain him an extra yard. Taking detours at high speed to arrive where we started on a continuing frenzied white knuckle ride. Finally when we arrived it was to park in a little street a few miles from the stadium. Given 5 minutes in a pub to down a pint along the way then a couple of burgers from a van before going in we were finally seated in a packed stadium. And it was there that I started to feel a bit funny and a bit hemmed in but not enough to run away. Probably the same feelings I feel now but I react differently, I coped better.
There wasn't much else in the wallet. I found another compartment that was filled with receipts. Most of these were bank statements from the ATM and the ink had faded. But one was a receipt from a garage just outside my old workplace. It was for petrol and a hot lunch. Like sitting on the couch with my wife I suddenly found myself back there. Miles from home without a care but to stick enough fuel in the car to get home and a couple of cheese and onion toasties to keep my stomach ticking over until I got home. Nothing much but I was living the moment. Very mundane as I did it most days but care free and no idea of what the future held. No worries but instead only a bright future while newly married and starting a family with a decent wage. Just what was going through my mind? It was about moving up north. Back home we had the property newspaper and used to look at what houses we could afford with plans of going for it. Plans that never came to fruition. Dreams that died with a whimper. Even though that sounds a little sad I actually felt a warm glow being back in that place- or maybe that was the whiskey.
Memories that were worth a last fleeting look. Now gone in physical form as I crumpled all the useless bits of paper up into one ball and chucked them in the bin. And along with the new bank card I put another laminated card. My oldest daughter made a little card with a set she got with her birthday which has a wacky design on it and the simple words: I love you daddy. I think the wallet is better for it.
