Mortality, our own, is something we think about alot. As your normal human being it is a persistent thought but a person with anxiety it is a constant reminder. When these thoughts first start is unclear. Soon in early age we learn that we will die and that phantom looms forever more.
My five year old daughter has been off school the past two days feeling under the weather as the last of the clan to get this winter bug. Tonight she sat in front of the TV on a beanbag lost in thought while her three year old sister played oblivious and her 10 month old brother slept. Then she burst out crying and said over and over "I don't want to die". It was heartbreaking.
Why she thought about this I don't know. Its not a subject we ever talk about and why it entered her head at that point I don't know. For a young thing she is very philosophical which is great in some ways but a danger in others. How do you reassure without lying? The truth is we are all going to die. How do you tell that to a five year old girl without further traumatising her?
There is no solace in the truth. I tried that approach but it broke her little heart and so I had to use a different approach. Recently among the books I have read have been a couple on the subject of everlasting life and alchemy. I told her of Fulcanelli and lied that although born over 100 years ago he is still alive today and looking as young as ever. I told her about the Comte de St Germain and lied about him too. I told her that when she was old enough she could, like these people, find the key to everlasting life and live forever. That did the job.
I lied but at least it will keep for a few years yet. And that is all I want to do: soothe her troubled mind. Because is she ever learns, like I have, just how troubled the mind can get then an everlasting life might seem a burden rather than a desire and as good a reason as any for mortality.
