Out of frustration a little I pushed myself to hit two miles this week for the first time this month. A real good effort. I've had a dose of the old lurgy in me and with the exhaustion it totally drained me but worth it just to remind myself it can be done. Just a pity I cannot do it every day but as I said previously that will come.
The photo here is something different. Its of me. A snippet really as I am not one for getting my photo taken. Actually I was talking to my wife about this the other day. She was going through photos on her phone. Mostly they were of her mum of course but some with her dad, her sisters, the kids, work collegues and friends. None of me. In fact I don't think there are many if any photos of me about. I said to my wife if I was gone tomorrow there would be no trace of me. She just sort of shrugged which I suppose is about all you can do. I am relating to Gregor Samsa or at least wallowing in self pity- so I need to snap out of that quickly.
Anyway the photo was taken not for here but for me to check out my head. Somehow I managed to whack myself on the head with a fridge door. It was all down to timing, bad timing. I cannot even remember what I was looking for but I opened the fridge door, stuck my head in to look, closed the door and then went take my head out. Not quickly enough. Crack! I didn't expect there to be a mark but I managed to cut it a little. Silly sod. Its not the first time. I remember doing it sometime back on a walk at Strathclyde Park and cutting through woods only to cut my head on a branch I never saw coming. Its down to lack of awareness in a mind that constantly has more room for the inner dialogue than the surrounding world. I need to be more mindful I suppose.
I feel really guilty because yesterday the boy left for his school trip up north which will see him stay away until Friday. I feel guilty because for the girls I was there in the car park to wave them off. Today I had to leave him and his mum in the park because I feel so crap and agoraphobia is so strong. Furthermore on Friday when he returns I won't be able to meet him and instead will have to get someone to collect him. I remember that from high school coming back from Spain and all the parents were there but I was left to walk home alone. I remember the tear in my eye which I could not stop and that empty feeling going into an empty house. I'm motoring down that self pity road again, snap out of it. Its weird not having him here. He was upset when he left as he has never been away on his own before. I just hope he has a good time.
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