The Jury

Lovely. Last Saturday it was. Went down the stairs to go for my walk. Saw the letter. Saw it was addressed to me. Saw it was from the court. And panicked.

Although it turned out I had been selected for jury service my initial reaction was: what have I done? I haven't done anything wrong but that was still my initial reaction, the reaction of an anxious mind which works overtime always. What could I have done? What possibly could the court want with me? Maybe some vindictive evil and twisted person had lied about me to the police. Maybe there was a hate campaign. Maybe it was a prank- once got called up for the army which turned out to be a prank by my aunt and uncle. Or maybe that was not a prank and now the Army were looking for me through the courts. Maybe it was that time I didn't pay poll tax and they have caught up with me. I had a limited company once which was wound up long ago but maybe money was owed or something. Maybe someone had said I was not actually with an anxiety disorder and was cheating the system. Maybe someone had been following me and showing I could walk far enough and they couldn't see anything wrong with me.

The usual paranoid protective thoughts. But as I said it was for jury service. That though was enough to give me a panic attack and I had to take that with me on my walk. I knew if I had not opened the letter it would still cause me too much anxiety while walking. Either way the walk was going to be difficult and it was.

When I got home I scanned for home. It seems if you are an MP or other such privileged person you can get out fairly easily but otherwise they want proof. Fair enough. Why do these things always happen at the weekend? At a time where my hands are tied. Would the doctor give me medical certificate? Would he even be there? Too many unanswered questions and try as I might I could not keep it from my mind over the weekend. As it turned out also Monday was a local holiday so an extra day of waiting as the medical centre was shut.

Anyway, turns out my GP was abroad on holiday as luck would have it but thankfully he was back on Wednesday. Not only that but the receptionists at the medical centre and he together were very understanding and helpful and I had my medical certificate that day which I posted the following. It is not a guarantee I will be exempt but I am hoping. Only time will tell.

That aside not much doing. I don't know if it was that and the walking I am doing but once again struggling with fatigue. I should also say at the start of the week my wife and I had a virus which definitely didn't help and has depleted my reserves further. The last three days have been a nightmare. I get up feeling groggy- like my body is exhausted and had some rest but not enough. Fine though. But an hour or two after walking I get a wave of fatigue crashing down on me which lasts the rest of the day. Its really hard to put up with and then has other problems like sore eyes, neck pain, head pain, etc. I have had it before and it does pass but just no fun when in that state.

Better days lie ahead I am sure. Its depressing when its July and its so grey and wet outside as it has been the last couple of months. And you feel fatigued all the time to the point that you can't even hold you concentration to do anything that may distract you. But as I said it will pass and better days surely ahead.