5 years ago on the back of a virus I got the flu. All my life when I've had this it had lasted no more than 3 days- not enough to keep me off work anyway. Throughout life everyone gets it. Usually I would just sup on Beechams and sleep then by day 3 I was right as rain. When I say sleep I mean at night because I've never been one for spending long spells in bed during the day and instead like to walk it off- when I could.
5 years ago though this flu was different- or maybe I was. It lasted 4 weeks and even after that it seemed to linger. It cost me well over a stone in weight and a month of work. One night among that I had a real fever and had to lie in bed. This is when I thought I was going mad. It's very hard to describe but there was something in my mind which last a second or two but looped over and over. It was audio. Beeps, an endlessly repeated pattern of beeps. It drove me up the wall and sent me to the edge of madness.
It was a one off and I've had nothing like it since but I think it was the start of something and maybe even related to the anxiety that would come later. It was a thought that was stuck like a scratched record. Since then there have been times when something had popped into my head and won't go. It doesn't happen that often but a thought comes and won't go. Not really a thought at such but a word or a phrase. Very strange but I can see how this can be linked to the horrible thoughts I get which won't go during anxiety.
So 3 days ago I awoke to the words "Dorsal Fin" in my head. Why that particular term entered I do not know? It's a mystery. It was there though and wouldn't shift for a good hour. Finally though it went. Then the following night I was getting the bath ready for the baby and it popped in again. Once more it wouldn't go.
Now I know what a Dorsal Fin is but I am no marine biologist. What was the purpose of this? Was it a sign of danger sent from somewhere within or without? Was it supposed to spur a visual with an accompanying soundtrack of the theme from Jaws? I don't know but I thought I'd better at least give it some attention so it might finally disappear.
According to Wikipedia:
Its main purpose is to stabilise the animal against rolling and assist in sudden turns.
Maybe it is something related to my lack of balance. Possibly my subconscious is telling me to grow a Dorsal Fin to aid my balance. That would be scary.
