The half light

Strange how the half light 

Can make a place new 

You can't recognise me 

And I can't recognise you 

HALF LIGHT I (Arcade Fire)

It is a restless existence I find myself living in at this point in time and in all honesty it has been the case for a very long time. I seem to be at loggerheads with everyone I come into contact with and I am not sure why. And as much as I would love to say I am not the one in the wrong I cannot make that claim or refute it. My mind is a bit scrambled and has been for a couple of years. I have become awkward to myself and to others. I try to understand it all but its like swimming in slime. Everything is sludge. The voices are incoherent. The faces don't look quite right. My world has gotten very murky. I have allowed it. 

All of that and all before it went away with the last utterance. There is only now. I am what I am. Or as the guy named Paul would tell me in hospital: "It is what it is". A response on a level with Father Ted's "that would be an ecumenical matter".  Here and now. Once I was a 13 year old boy starting high school and now I have children who are all past their teens. Time marches on. Everything changes.

I seem to have come full circle in a way. Mental health issues brought me to blogging and as I got on top of them the need to blog faded. The desire left me. The outside world I had been excluded from was inviting me back so I leapt. That is not to say that therapy is a reason to blog or not to blog. It certainly isn't in my experience. I have been entertained, amused, informed and so much more in my time blogging over the years by others. It does seem to me to be a haven for like minded people on the whole. People with something to say in a world that is too loud to be heard. A quiet corner if you will.

Anyway I have to say I feel a mix of excitement and nostalgia being back in this realm. There are some old faces still here among new ones. I feel a strange mix of the familiar and foreign being back. I have no expectations nor stories in the bag. Like I have always done in life and am doing right now I am just going to have to wing it. 

If you have made it this far thank you for reading and please do return.