I won't go into the specifics but in a lot of pain this week with a recurring problem but thankful life occurring nowadays. I'm convinced its anxiety related but wife is more swayed to inactivity. It doesn't really matter which. As my activity has increased my anxiety has lessened and these problems with them. This week though I am downed in a lot of pain to the point I can hardly walk. Or could hardly walk I should say. The pic above is from today where things have eased a little enough to walk down the park. Life is short but I am in no mood or state to thrash it. I feel delicate this week and trying to fly below the radar.
Melancholy has been the biggest problem by far over the pain and maybe even a result of it. Its just a horrible thing. No words can describe it. Inside I am screaming for it to stop. It won't. And there is nowhere to escape to. Just horrible. I think it came as a result of thinking about finances. I have been putting off looking at my account because I fear there is nothing in it and that I am not being paid ESA. I will have to look at some point soon, just not today. Its deep dread. I just needed to bury again and move on for a week or so. The prospect of looking today was enough to make the day a write off. I cannot keep putting it off. It was so bad today that the book I planned to read was binned. In fact just typing this out is taking my mind back to that dark place again so I will leave it there for now.
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