This is only the third week but it feels like already I am the creator of doom and gloom on here. Its a bit raw still at the moment so I don't want to go into too much detail so will keep this post fairly short. Yesterday my wife's mum died after a battle with cancer. Its not the first death in my life but the first in my kids' life. It has been extremely hard for them but ten times more for my wife who is inconsolable. As anyone knows who's life is touched by this awful disease it has been a prolonged heartbreak for all involved. And it has definitely taken its strain on everyone involved.
All 3 kids are different and coping with it in their own way. It brought it back for me too. My first death was my grandfather when I was 13 and that is also the last time I cried- at the funeral. Up until that point it just feels like nothing will every change and life will always be that way. I am feeling that a tiny bit at the moment. I have not been up north for nearly 2 years now and don't know when I will again- or maybe even if I will be back up ever depending on what my wife's dad decides to do. So for me her mum will always be up there and the household will always be the same. I think back to that decade I had not been there for and how weird it was being back up there again. Then I wonder to myself whether that recovery I had that allowed me to go up there a few years before she died was in some way preordained. It feels like from feeling I would never go up there again I was suddenly up there and then, until now, unable to travel there again. Whatever the reasons it feels like a gift because it could easily have not happened given it was over a decade not being able to travel there.
For now though its about letting it all sink in. I will leave it at that for now...
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