At the zoo

I've mentioned Calderglen country park a few times now as I've been there a few times now and that being the case as nice as it is I don't really have much of a call to keep returning to the same places unless its for something new. Even though I have been there a couple of times now the experience is not always good. We went on Saturday and I was all for turning back before we even got there. If someone had told me I would be there for two and a half hours that would have been enough to push me over the edge. That though is what happened. When we got to the car park I had to get out and get away using a cricket match across the way as an excuse as I scuttled off with my camera. The worry was even then alone and hiding behind the lens the adrenaline just kept buzzing through me.

Of course it went and according to the CBT that is what I am supposed to do- stay however bad until the level of anxiety goes down by at least half. And it did. I am not sure when as its one of those things that happens without noticing it. Anyway as I said I would normally be reluctant to return somewhere unless it was for something new. My wife had wanted us all to go out and couldn't think where to go as the weather has been terrible. I remembered Calderglen had a children's zoo. I had not been there since before my problems started. My oldest girl was a baby when I had last been there. For whatever reason I suggested it to my wife and she agreed. I think it was that which had the anxiety so high. I had suggested and therefore comitted and the kids knew and were excited and if I pulled out then I was disappointing all of them. It is that self imposed pressure which actually makes the simpler things more difficult.

I wrote a post 5 years ago about Amazonia. The brief version of that post is that I needed to take a photo of an animal for a photography competition and wish to go there to do that. In the end my oldest daughter who was 6 years old at the time took a photo of an lizard and I shamelessly used that. She did not take it at Amazonia however but intead took it at Calderglen's children zoo.

So we did that. It was good. I enjoyed it. The kid enjoyed it. Monkeys, wild cats, bunnies, birds of prey and so much more. A really good little zoo for kids- and adults. My only gripe was all the mesh fencing which made it near impossible to get photographs. But maybe it just made it more of a challenge. My oldest took my wife's phone and disappeared for most of the time trying desperately to get some decent snaps. And she did get some good ones- better than my own. Maybe she has an eye for it. No matter. The main thing is she enjoyed doing it.  She is at that age where a day out with the family is not the lure it once was and grumbles when a walk is mentioned. But she really enjoyed the challenge of getting some photographs. Below is a small selection of the few I did get which were not completely obscured.

After the zoo we decided on a walk. We walked through the woodland as we have done many a time but on this occassion a torrential downpour sent us packing earlier than normal. But all in all it had been good. My wife said: it makes such a difference being able to go out as a family. And that sums up things. It doesn't matter where we go or for how long. All that matters is we can go. There was a time I could not, we could not. And that times was not too long ago. I remember going down the local park with my wife and son was a big achievement even though I could only stay there a minute at most before leaving.  It is good to be doing these thing together. The more we do and the longer I am out the closer to normality I feel. It has a knock on effect. It is the reversal of how I got into a disorder.

Before we were chased home by the rain though something very strange. My wife stopped me in the woods and whispered to me to follow her. She was pointing up at the trees. I slowly moved forward looking. And finally with my  bad eyesight even I saw it up in the branches. I just wish I could have gotten closer. A very strange thing to see in the woods at tea time. I wondered if it had escaped from the zoo as we had soon some in there but this one was bigger. Not the best of photos but can you see it?