My wife at the moment is getting a bit "ratty", as we say up here, at the moment. That is to say every little petty thing is getting on her nerves. It may indicate a symptom of her current situation living with a mental case but I think it runs deeper than that. Along with her, the rest of her sisters are always commenting on how little things get to her dad to the point where for example although he loves his football small irritants now have a number of football grounds blacklisted for petty crimes. My wife is very much her father's daughter. I'd say 90-95% of her opinions are inherited rather than formed and it sometimes leads to arguments between us which she can't back up, but because her dad says so she won't back down either.
Just setting the scene though. One of these little irritations came to a head tonight. Every Thursday there is a function of some sort across the road from us and the guy who runs it continually parks almost on our doorstep despite there being a car park. It infuriates the life out of her but there is nothing that can be done as its a public road. So last night she took it upon herself to go out in real stormy weather with rain hammering down and strong winds swirling to park our car out front to stop this guy parking there. Soaked to the skin even for the short time out she still wore a smug smile. When I looked out I noticed she hadn't mounted the pavement to allow cars to pass into the car park. Why I don't know but as I mentioned this she disappeared back out again no doubt sort the problem. I should have just left it.
It was ten minutes that passed before I went to the window again to see her standing with the car door open outside seemingly just standing there. Most peculiar so I went down to see what she was up to because the weather was so bad that you could not call across the short distance and be heard. It turns out in her little moment of pettiness she had opened the car door and the wind caught it. She'd heard a crack and the door fully open could no longer be shut. It was stuck and not budging. The inside was absolutely soaked as the rain battered in as was she. There was I standing in just a T-shirt freezing and wanting to go back up to get a heavy jacket but she insisted there and then she needed to move the car out of the wind and needed me to walk alongside holding the door so I got soaked. A lesson learned I hope. As I helped the car limp around the back the guy she had been trying to thwart pulled up and rested on our doorstep to add salt to the wounds.
I should say I had up to this point being lying content half asleep on the couch. For some reason the night before I had a real bad time with panic late on and for the first time in about a year and a half had that horrible derealisation. I'd woke up in the morning still the same and it was getting me panicky as hell. Its hard to explain. Its like staring into space and knowing you are doing it but unable to snap yourself out of it. Like having a thousand yard stare on and unable to refocus. Anyway it turns out it was a bit of a bug, probably, as the accompanying symptoms were the same as my wife had on Monday when she had to go to bed ill. Though she did make her work eager to keep up her excellent attendance record. Basically it was burning eyes, headache, shakiness and even she had complained on Monday of feeling "unreal" and "not there". All things I've had before with anxiety so took it just to be that. Just a bug though.
So I wasn't in the best of moods while my wife called the AA and I sat in the car trying to work out what was going on while getting soaked through. In some ways it was good as I felt better for being out in the elements in my mind doing something but I was feeling so shitty that I soon started to get anxious. The AA wouldn't send anyone out and recommended that my wife just try forcing the door shut as that is all they would do anyway. So that was her plan. But I investigated further and disagreed. I found a latch which I could move, covered in oil, and checking against the other door found that wasn't right. My wife got a torch from one of the neighbours and I set about trying to fix the problem. It was a nightmare though. Hanging over a car door the rain was battering off the windscreen and creating a spray directly into my face. I had the sensation of being at sea because apart from that it was pitch black and my legs were like jelly- never have been a good sailor.
Not to waffle on, I finally with the aid of a torch managed with all my might to lever this piece of broken metal over a bolt head and shut the door. What bloody relief. My wife had her arms around me and the neighbour watching from the window was singing praises. I felt very uncomfortable so legged it- never been one for praise. So the reluctant hero of the hour ran away quick smart finding even jelly legs will move when you need them too. It was though good because god knows what our next move was. Our car in torrential rain with the door wide open- we could hardly leave it over night. All in all it was an hour from my wife breaking the door to me managing to close it with no other alternatives up until it was done in that bloody swirling rain. And to be honest before the door gave way I was ready to run anyway as I had started to get into a panic.
Later I was frozen to the bone and feeling the cold from the soaking. Our little flat just doesn't heat up regardless of how long we have the heating on. There are too many gaps in this leaning little tower of subsidence. But I did have a warm glow inside. Not from solving a problem but from being out in the elements and feeling briefly alive instead of locked away. A reminder, which I need, that I need to get out there instead of contemplating consequences of actions.
