I would like to emphasise that my wife and I don't eat out very often. That said for the second day in a row the Pizza place had some of our cash. It started on Sunday night with the home delivery. My eldest daughter's, 5 year old, nostrils must have been twitching as they tend to do. She came through to see what was on offer despite having already had her own dinner at 18:00- this was about 21:00.
She didn't fancy my Donner Pizza much but had a bit anyway. My wife's chips n' cheese though went down well. I could see the look on my wife's face when my daughter ate the first lot with delight, snuggled up and said "Lets share mummy." She ate half my wife's dinner.
In the morning she asked if she could have her own so as a treat my wife decided to get the two girls chips and cheese after their swimming lesson. So while they waited for the order I got the baby ready and went out to the place I dared not go the previous night. And I did it. In all it was only about 5 minutes I had to wait in there with the family but it seemed longer. I did have to fight off the urge to flee countless time and I was helped by the fact it was virtually empty but I still did it.
We cannot afford to do that every night of the week whether it would help my recovery or not. That is the problem with the Supermarket too. Every time I have gone in I have bought something. I need to keep going in but I cannot keep spending. Nor do I want to just keep browsing as I fear I will look suspicious in my agitated state.
It is strange the scenarios that I build. My biggest fear is panic, fleeing the supermarket, an alarm going off and security guards blocking me. All stupid I know but it can happen. Lots of times in the past I have bought something only to have it set off an alarm or gone out the door at the same time as someone else setting off an alarm.
Maybe I should try to get to the library next. At least there I don't have to put my hand in my pocket. All going good though for the moment.
