For anyone suffering from anxiety and panic I cannot recommend highly enough the books of Dr Claire Weekes written over 30 year ago. Despite being written decades past they are still relevant today and in my opinion not alot of progress has been made since. Certainly nothing around for the moment, at £100+ or less, teach us any more than can be found in her books for a fraction of the cost. Having dealt with various doctors and psychiatrists they are no better informed either- less informed than the individual in most cases. For me these books are my only salvation and although I am not cured they have been my only help on the road to recovery. At the very least they are somewhere to turn when help, medication and all else is either not offered, not helpful or not available.
So I plan to post some of the philosophy. To start: dark thoughts. When suffering from anxiety and the like our mind can take us into some dark places because we become introspective and dwell on the negatives. Below are two passages from "Essential Help for your nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes which explain things pretty clearly. It does help though to have read the whole book and have a better understanding but for now please read the following:
UNWANTED THOUGHTS
Never make the mistake of fighting to be rid of unwanted thoughts; relax towards them, let them come, take them with you- but WILLINGLY- and see even the most shocking for what they are: only thoughts.
If you fight to forget unwanted thoughts, or try to replace them with others, you make the unwanted thoughts too important so that forgetting becomes more and more difficult. It is always difficult to forget on command, especially if mentally tired.
A lot of practice at accepting and working while accompanied by upsetting thoughts may be needed to change them into 'just thoughts' with no upsetting reaction, holding no fear. Without fear, thoughts that seemed to almost mesmerise can finally come to no longer matter. No longer mattering is the goal; not forgetting. One can never be sure of forgetting; memory is a great hoverer. However, if no longer mattering has been achieved through understanding and experience, one can depend on it with confidence.
Of course, from time to time, mattering will return. However when not mattering has been felt, if only for a moment, the mustard seed of confidence this brings will never actually disappear. As the sufferer pulls himself out of each setback by rediscovering not mattering, it becomes in-built and comes quickly to his rescue whenever setback threatens. The prize has been won.
STOPPING 'HORRIBLE' THOUGHTS ABOUT LOVED ONES
"My psychologist said I must stop these horrible thoughts coming. Is that the way to deal with my problem?"
No. While this man fears these thoughts so much, how can he stop them? He should, as I advise often, understand that THEY ARE ONLY THOUGHTS, HOWEVER HORRIBLE and let them come.
The write of the letter added that the thoughts were about those he loved and that it hurt so much to know that he could think this way.
So many nervously ill people have the most bizarre thoughts particularly about those they love, because his hurts most, and in a state of sensitisation and fatigue, a sufferer may deliberately probe to see how horrible his thoughts can be. This is so common in nervous illness, it seems part of the expected pattern. Its only significance in that the sufferer, being so suggestible, can't resist testing his own suggestibility. How cruel can he think? How crazy can he be? How much more is there to be frightened of?
As I so often say, a person suffering in this way should practice seeing his thoughts for what they really are: thoughts established, not because of their truth, but because of the intense, fearful reaction they bring to a sensitized body. And he should understand that they may return from time to time even after he has lost his fear of them. Habits take time to break. But when thoughts no longer matter, what harm if they do sometimes return.
With acceptance the time comes when the sufferer suddenly thinks gleefully, 'Those darn things don't matter any more! They just don't matter! It doesn't matter whether I think them or not!'. We lose upsetting thoughts by drawing their teeth, not by trying to stop their biting.
So from this I would lend my own take on it. Let us for a minute look at unwanted thoughts and how we deal with them. First off it is important to know one thing. Only we can change things. There is no medication or medical person that will take them away. In fact their presence is not the problem. But first we have to understand that it is down to us solely to deal with them and realise that no one and nothing else can do that.
The thoughts come but they are not the problem. The thoughts come because our minds are tired, we are suggestible and introspective. Our recent experiences give us so little positives that we look for more negatives without really thinking about it and where we look we find them. This is natural and is not a problem. The problem lies not in the thoughts but our reaction to them. Sure they shock and for anyone who has experienced such dark thoughts their frightening intensity cannot be underestimated. It would be wrong to underestimate their terrifying effect. But they are just thoughts. It is our own fear of these thoughts that makes them a problem.
So we cannot run as they never go and we cannot hide because they will will always seek us out. No one has a magic wand for us. What we must do is change our reaction to them and to do that we must let them in rather than recoil from them. When you let the thought in look at it and see it for what it is- an irrational thought. Don't be scared of it. Tell yourself that this happens to lots of people. It is horrible? yes but harmless? no. It is a thought. A horrible thought. See it for that and let it go. It will return and we must keep reacting in the same way. As already mentioned out fear is a habit and only by persevering with this new reaction will this become the new habit. With time this will be the normal reaction without having to think about it. The thoughts will still come but less frequently and with your new reaction less of a problem. They will then have served their purpose and no longer be of use so will disappear.
I hope this helps.
